... 'when will it be my time??'...'His timing IS perfect!'...

Wow, my life has been completely turned upside down this past little while...in a positive and fantastic way though! The Lord continually blows me away with His sovereignty...kinda like He's got it all figured out and under control ;)

The past seven (almost eight) years have been a real journey for me. Both personally as well as spiritually. When I became a single Mother of an infant and a toddler, I didn't know how I would ever make it. With the help and support of my family and friends, the daily living became manageable. With that, the realization of what (or should I say 'Who') I really needed in my life became very evident.

Turning my life over to Christ was the most important decision I had ever made. My life didn't become easy once I made that decision, in fact, it became more difficult. Things I didn't give any thought to before were now being challenged in a new way. I was now dealing with living the worldly life I'd been used to, and the righteous life I was now being called to. The battle of the mind and of the flesh.

Although I've come along way in my personal relationship with Christ, I know I still have so much to learn and so much growing in Him yet to do. Thankfully, God is patient and doesn't expect perfection from his sinful daughter.

On this journey of mine there have been several struggles, but my singleness has been the biggest. I have always tried my hardest (as much a humanly possible) to really rest in His sovereign plan regarding my singleness. Although I always had a calm 'sense' that I wouldn't always be alone, I questioned God's timing and wondered 'when will it be my time??'.  I prayed and prayed and prayed...and I knew others were praying for me too.  Still, I had to know that He was my husband and he was jealous.  He certainly wasn't going to give me to just anyone...it would be someone 'special'...

So with that being said....MY TIME HAS COME!!!  Yes that's right!  My warrior-poet has arrived to claim me for his bride!  (Lol, ok...that sounds a bit like it's out of a novel, but its true!)  Yep, this girl is quite giddy that Father has revealed her 'beloved'...'the one whom my soul loves'...  He is my 'warrior-poet', my King David - not a perfect man...but perfect for me...my 'special' one!

Although our lives 'together' have already begun, I plan with great excitement the day our lives will be united and we come together as 'one' in the eyes of God.  For He has known this day to be...  O, how I imagine the smile on Father's face now that we have finally been revealed to one another!  His timing IS perfect!  What a testament of His faithfulness to us both...and to those who have walked through our journey with us!

Praise be to God, for great things he hath done!

Until next time,
'K'

I am a professing Christian and yet I have questions and doubts too...

I'm just going to be real and raw right now...  I'm tired of putting on the 'happy' mask, and seeming like 'all is well' when really...I'm struggling.  It feels like I'm dealing with a lot right now, that seems to be dragging me down, so far down I'm exhausted and question how and when I'm going to get out of this 'funk'.  Very few people, even those close to me, know what I'm going through right now.  (Not to be alarmed...it's nothing that won't pass, and it certainly has nothing to do with me taking drastic measures.  I'm not insane or deeply disturbed...just workin' some things out with God right now, but having a hard time seeing any clarity in it.)

I am a professing Christian yet I have questions and doubts too...although I don't doubt God.  I don't question whether or not He is Creator God, and I don't question His sovereignty...yet I struggle with my own unbelief, and with why the world still spins in the state it is in.  My head knows,  that at times when it's the hardest to believe in something not seen, my faith is being tested.  I just wish it wasn't tested so much, and so often. 

The struggles I seem to be facing in my current season (which appears to be an on-going season), I'm sure can be found in others lives as well...however, they are unique to me.  There are moments - more of them than not - where I feel there is no one else out there that can possibly understand the way I'm feeling.  This, I know, is a lie that the enemy would love for me to believe.  And momentarily, at times...I do.  But in clarity of mind, I know The Truth.  I thank God for those moments of clarity.

I think what is most difficult, is not only the issues going on in my own little world, but all the other issues I see going on all around me.  I'm not even talking global issues here.  The amount of 'junk' going on in our lives is enough to make my head spin.  It saddens me deeply.  Our priorities (mine included) honestly are not where they are to be (not intentionally and/or not that we even acknowledge it really).  Even as recently as yesterday, I saw my focus and priorities on something that didn't deserve to be placed there.  My difficulty is not taking on what isn't mine - within reason, as we are to help one another carry each others burdens - as stated in scripture.  But knowing how much of if we're to carry for them and responsibly praying for them and for what we don't carry.  Thank God He can carry it all!

Also, the state of our relationships - as a whole - is so out of whack.  The lack of genuine and intentional communication has been lost somewhere along the way here.  No one needs anyone anymore because in this culture we're taught to be this self-sufficient machine that can make it all on our own...that we don't need anybody else.  What a crock!  This isn't the way God designed us.  We were not meant to be alone!  And the sad thing is, is that when we feel we're drowning and trying to pull it all off by ourselves, there is such a stigma about coming forward and admitting we really can't.  Instead, we kill ourselves trying to prove we're a super-person, in which we are quite the opposite.  It goes to show, yet again, that we do need the supernatural power of the One True God.  Personally, I think the reason our human relationships are in such terrible shape is because our personal relationship with Jesus has been put on the back-burner (myself included).  If we're not in close, daily relationship with Him, then how on earth can we be in right relationship with Him?  Same goes with our human relationships...if we're not willing to put in the time, effort, and honest communication - no matter what it takes - then how can we really expect to have great relationships with one another??

Sigh.  I suppose this is just a bit of a rant from where I am at the moment, but perhaps some of you are there right now as well - or have been or will be.  I'm not going to pretend I have it all together anymore.  Some days I might, and some days I might not.  But on the days I don't, I'm not going to hide behind a mask anymore...how about you?  Isn't it time to show that us Christians are human as well?!  I'll leave you with this very timely quote I woke up to this morning.  May it be of encouragement to you today...

Christians don't have perfect lives, but they have perfect God. Follow Jesus, not Christians, and you won't be disappointed.

Until next time,
K

'Oh to be like him!'

While going through my 'Utmost for His Highest' (Oswald Chambers) devotions today, I found these portions jumped right off the page at me...

The institutional church's idea of a servant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ's idea.  His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others... 

The real test of a saint is not one's willingness to preach the gospel, but one's willingness to do something like washing the disciples' feet - that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God...

Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ's idea of a New Testament saint, that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hand of Jesus Christ for the sake of others.

After that last paragraph, I wrote beside it, 'Oh to be like him!'.  When I'd pondered my comment, I wondered which 'him' I actually meant!  Was the 'him' Paul, living as Christ-focused as he did?  Or was the 'him' Christ himself?  My question was quickly answered and my conclusion was made (and yes this was all a conversation that played out between me, myself and I...lol!), which was... that it was either and/or both.

As I read and continue to learn more about the lives of great followers of Jesus, there are two things that occur within me.  One is a great sense of encouragement, and the other is almost a sense of great defeat...how far away from that kind of a life I feel sometimes. 

As I look at my sinful life...and yes, sinful it is - I'm human...I'm reminded how self-focused it can be.  This is not how I want to live my life...I want to live a life like Paul's.  But I find that as each day goes by, the trials of day-to-day routine can so easily take over and before I know it, bam...my focus has come off of Christ and on to a number of varied other things.  Why is it so hard to keep my focus always on Him...all the time?!

But then we slide over to the side of  great encouragement!  It picks me back up when I stop and realize that, yes, although I live a sinful life (and to clarify...we ALL do...), as long as there is breathe in me, there is opportunity to shift my focus back to Him again, and continue walking towards the end goal.  Sigh of relief in being reminded of that...and knowing the enemy is upset he hasn't kept me occupied for long!!

Thank you Father that your mercies are new everyday!  Your grace, your love and your compassion are far beyond anything this world has to offer...may we hold tight to your promises that  are 'yes and amen'!

I'm not sure where you are with your faith walk at this time, but I pray this has been what you've needed to hear today...I know it was for me!

Until next time,
K

Can God be like chocolate?!

Nearly 3 months have past since writing on my blog...in a way it seems like forever, yet I have a hard time grasping just how much time has actually gone by!  Since my last post, we've celebrated another Christmas; watched another year leave and have entered into a new one; I've welcomed a precious new niece as an addition to our family; and I've had to let go of yet another friendship, while also welcoming a new one; oh ya, and the world was supposed to end - again!  Seriously people!!

I've  many times thought about coming here and writing my thoughts down over the course of the past 3 months, but for one reason or another I've been kept from it.  Perhaps I needed the solitude; or those thoughts were not to be shared; or quite likely it's because I've been in a sea of thoughts, feelings, and emotions that I wouldn't have known how to express myself best.  In any case, I can look at it as a huge failure to keeping a commitment, or just decide to pick up where I left off...  I think I'll choose the latter!

This afternoon I was wanting something chocolate.  I decided that perhaps some hot chocolate would take care of my sweet tooth as well as warm me up a bit while I worked on some bookwork.  I was wrong.  It didn't do anything for my sweet tooth.  What a disappointment.  I've been trying to think of something else that I could get in to...but I'm afraid 'real' chocolate is going to be the only thing that will truly satisfy my craving.

As I was thinking about this situation I found myself in, I realized the parallel.  Go with me for a minute here...can God be like chocolate?!  Not saying that chocolate is God, but God can be like chocolate - for me anyway!  You see, for anyone who knows me well, I'm sure you'll agree that I love chocolate.  And I'd say that I tend to have some form of it each day.  It satisfies my craving.  So, if God is like chocolate...I need Him everyday to satisfy my craving...my hunger for Him.  Right?!

So I say...if you eat chocolate and spend time with Him...you'll be truly satisfied!!
What could be better than God and chocolate?!! 
Lol, I'm just sayin'... ;)

Until next time,
K